Our Second Death

Our Second Death

"I mean, they say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time." - Banksy.

This quote I remember coming across a while back and it ties in very well to this struggle or issue I've been wrestling with over the past month or so. Allow me to make a statement of my belief and then give my reasoning as to why I have this belief. When I die I wish to quickly fade out into vague obscurity yet this is a fear or worry of sorts that I have for those whom I love. Allow me to first explain my worry for others. I remember when my uncle and my grandmother both passed during my earlier years and they used to be so close to me and I loved them and always thought about them and now I hardly remember them and can't even remember the sounds of their voices. I think of those who I know and love now at 19 and how I couldn't imagine my life without them and yet if they were to go now, when I'm a man in my 30's or 40's they would be nothing more to an occasional memory that seldom crosses my mind and that terrifies me. These people are such an instrumental part of my life and have given me so much that I would never want to forget what they've done for me and how they've affected me. And yet at the same time I wish for myself to fall out into the recesses. Mainly this is because I don't wish to be known but I think mainly it has to do with not wishing the pain or hurt of loss onto those whom I love or maybe for them to continue on in their lives. And maybe my reasoning for that statement comes from some pretentious mindset I have that I'm willing to bear the burden of loss or pain, but I don't know. I don't even know if these words are explaining my belief fully or truly. I guess this is ultimately a losing battle I have against time, but that second death that Banksy describes is the much worse death in my opinion, the agony I feel for the losses of loved ones doesn't come from their physical absence because as a Christian I know that they are much better off now than they ever were here and I remember all the good times spent with them but I think it comes from the second death, where I don't even remember those good times and don't even realize the love that I've lost by that second death. Similarly why do people fear Alzheimer's or view it as so tragic, to the person with it I don't imagine any horror or misery to come from it but it's the thought of forgetting oneself and those around them that is what is truly awful. If I myself were to die I wish for everyone I know to move on and rarely reminisce of me, I would hate to see my parents for instance to be caught up on me because it removes focus from their true purpose and mission here which goes far beyond raising a kid. Maybe there is some middle ground I just refuse to see here but I rather not run the risk there. I hope that I make a huge impact for the better on everyone I come in contact with, but I wish for it to continue when I'm gone, not be remembered.