Jake has always gone with my parents and me on our annual family vacation to Lake Tahoe. It was the last day of this particular trip and so we decided to spend it by renting a boat and going out on the lake. My father, Mills had just had his knee replaced so he was back home in Houston but two good church friends of ours Don and Debby were on this trip accompanying my mom Roxanne and it was the five of us who were in the boat that day. With a storm on the west side of the lake preventing us from going to Emerald Bay, we instead decided to go to Sandy Harbour where these massive collections of rocks jut out from the water to form this cove of sorts and where people amass to jump off into the water below. It was such a beautiful site that, looking back on it, I would never have guessed the events which were about to unfold in the next half hour. Seeing as large rocks stuck up from the bottom of this shallow part of the lake, we couldn't get the boat in too close so Jake and I decided to swim over to the rocks; and seeing all the other people in the water, we didn't think twice about the dangers of the lake or wearing life vests for such an easy swim.
Immediately we lost our collective breath when jumping in. Although it was ending July, they were coming off a specially cold winter and melting snow ran from the mountains into the lake below year round. We took a minute to try to adjust before we began to swim. Halfway there we really started to struggle. We both went into hypothermic shock, causing us to lose our breath and fatigue harshly while also impairing muscle movement (all not ideal for swimming).
Jake began to panic as he realized he wouldn't be able to make it there. I tried to help him out by holding on to me as I swam, but he just started to hold me down as he was trying to stay up. I realized at that moment that we weren't both going to be able to make it. The hardest thing to this day I've ever had to do is look my best friend in the eyes and tell him I'm sorry but I can't carry him anymore as I let him go. What I saw was despair, I saw the last bit of hope start to run from his eyes. I still see that vision now. I rushed to the rocks as I began to white out and called to a couple of kayakers to help Jake, but they thought we were kidding, I pleaded with them that it wasn't a joke, but they didn't do much to try and help other than call for others. They couldn't, when I saw them later on the beach the guys that I saw out on the water turned out to be a couple of 12 year olds.
That's when I made it to the rocks just in time to turn around and see Jake's head slowly go under, then his arms, then his hands, and like that he was out of sight. After what felt like an eternity later, Joe (an off duty nurse) came paddling by, slipped off the side of his paddle board, made that 20 foot dive, effortlessly slung Jake's body into the kayak that had gotten out there by this point from two lifeguards on a jet ski following close behind him, and within seconds he was already back on the beach. A nice young lady assisted me to shore and when I got there medics were already hard at work on Jake. I remember seeing his face a dark blue. The crowded beach was deathly quiet aside from the eerie screams of my mother and a few people praying. I remember hearing a medic saying "we got a faint pulse" before hearing later "we lost it." I then went to the police who were there and gave my report, by the time I was done with that life flight had already taken off for Reno.
One of the officers was kind enough to drive us to the hospital an hour away. As I rode shotgun, I was looking up how long a person could go without oxygen before irreparable brain damage began in drownings. It depended upon a couple of factors but most notably the temperature of the water. The cold water that caused him to drown is also what ended up helping to save Jake's life. A year later that same police officer told me that he saw me researching all of this and all he had was an urge to rip my phone away from me and throw it out the window. He knew the odds, he's dealt with multiple drownings on this lake. Very few have the same ending as this one.
We arrive at the hospital and wait for hours, they won't let us see him because we're not family. Finally they allow my mom and I back there simply to say our last goodbyes. They said that his parents Keith and LaNay would get in by midnight and that they were going to do all that they could to try to keep his heart beating until then. My mom went in to a panic, I did everything I could to fight back the tears and try to keep her calm. She later said that she saw the tears in my eyes.
We had to move out of the condo the next morning so Don and Debby drove me back so that the three of us could pack our rooms, they would pack my mom's as she'd stayed at the hospital. I would pack Jake's. We stopped for dinner and then made that hour long trek back, I was holding back tears the entire time. Maybe they noticed me crying silently in the back seat of that car but didn't have the heart to tell me they did, I don't know.
We get in to the condo and I go to take a long, hot shower (I was still coming out of the hypothermia). This was my first time to be alone and I broke down. I finally prayed my first and only prayer of this whole ordeal saying "God, whatever happens, wether Jake lives or dies, may more honor and glory and praise be brought to Your name through this situation. I strongly believe that if You were to fully heal Jake that more glory would be brought to You and Your kingdom would advance all the more, however not my will but Yours be done." Immediately, peace overfilled me. I didn't know what would come of Jake at that point, but I knew it would all work out God's providential way.
By this point LaNay had posted publicly about Jake and the calls and texts of support swept in. I especially remember a lengthy phone call with Collin Roach who poured a lot of truth into me. I remember a call from Graham Williams who told me God assured him that Jake would make a full recovery. I wanted to believe him (he was right, after all), but I was too afraid to get my hopes up.
I then packed up Jake's room. It was a surreal moment as I looked around that room and thought that he was never going to use these things again. I then found on his nightstand a small bug catcher that his little brother gave him so that he could "catch cool bugs on his vacation." I thought a lot about Luke and how this 4 year old boy was going to grow up never really knowing his brother. I thought a lot about how I was going to grow up myself. When I'm in my 30's or 40's will I even remember this person who played such a monumental role in my life? If so, will I remember him as my best friend or will I remember him as that 19 year old kid I used to hang out with when I was young? I realized that I was going to grow old, but Jake never would.
I felt a lot of guilt. I knew I did all I could, but it wasn't enough. I had to look my best friend in the eyes as I gave up on him. I wasn't strong enough for the both of us. I wasn't able to carry him to shore. By this time it was the 12 o'clock hour. The moment he was supposed to go off life support. I turned to the only outlet I've always had, writing. Today marks the 2 year anniversary of this poem I wrote. A poem I only shared with Jake and two other friends. It still hits a very real and raw nerve with me and with Jake as well, so neither of us have made it public. But I feel like the time has come, it's come for me to share this story and it's come for me to share the only catharsis I had that night. Below are the 4 short stanzas I produced before I went to bed that night. (Note it's marked 7/31/14 because it was midnight technically of the next day now when I wrote this)
7/31/14
Why couldn't it be me
At the bottom of the lake
To take the suffering
In the stead of my friend Jake
I did all that I could
And yet still not enough
In the calm is where he stood
But now the waves are getting rough
Why didn't I save you?
Could I have done any more?
I failed to be your rescue
To take you safe to shore
The bells toll a taste of sour
But they still don't have to ring
Like a beacon in the darkest hour
Don't succumb to the sting
I woke the next morning to eagerly text my mom to ask if Jake was still alive, but I dreaded what her response would be. It was a yes. That night I flew home and had to put on a lock-in for my home church where I was interning, the next day I went off to Ignite for a week where I was a counselor. By the time Ignite ended I was on the next plane to Reno to visit him. I got a text from him while I was in the airport where he was even joking in his old Jake way. I had the biggest, dumbest smile on my face. I knew that the worst was passed and I finally could breathe a sigh of relief.
He later would make a full recovery months ahead of schedule. I remember through this whole ordeal Nick Nilson wanting to check in on me and see how I was handling everything, that meant a lot to me and still does to this day. Funny enough, Jake was also the one to see how I was handling it. Here the spotlight is on him and everyone wanting to see how he's doing and he's concerned with how I'm doing.
As some of you might know, Jake still has a hard time with his short term memory. I remember a few months back, about a year and a half removed from the incident, he was expressing his frustration to me over studying material and knowing he studied the material but not remembering what it said. I asked him if it ever gets to him and he said "oh sure, I mean I even have some pretty bad days, but then I remember that I'm not even supposed to be here and suddenly my issues aren't that big." I've learned a lot from him over the years and have asked his guidance on countless decisions in my life, but this has had the most impact on me. Anytime I get to spend time with my best friend, even anytime we might argue or get on each other's nerves, I'm thankful that I get to do so one more time.
Now I said this was my side of the story, but it's not even really my story. It's not even Jake's. It's the story of an all good, all loving, and all powerful God who is the proper object of our worship and glorification and who reminds us that only life can come from Him. Only meaning can come from Him. Only hope can come from Him. Through this story, I know firsthand of dozens of people who have either given their life to Christ or rededicated their life to Christ. From friends and family I've heard of hundreds. I remember John O'Korn telling me how he witnessed to three guys in the locker room through this story. This story has reached thousands of people in dozens of countries, and I know God's still not done with it yet.
Friends, I'm here to say that Jake, myself, and all those I've mentioned in this story have that hope. We have that assurance. We know that our life was made with a purpose and that we are intrinsically valuable because of the God who made us and because of His dying on the cross to redeem us. If you don't know this God personally and you'd like to, or even if you just want to pick my brain to know more about Him or what I believe please don't hesitate to message me.
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